The drive home is quiet, and Jacob doesn't know how to deal with that. In all the years he and Eli have known each other, there has never been this kind of silence between them. He tries to start a conversation, to crack a joke, anything to lighten the mood, but Eli barely even listens to him.
"Eli—" he starts when they arrive, but Eli interrupts him immediately.
"Don't, Jacob, I'm fine. I'm... I don't want to talk about it."
And, well, the thing is: Jacob doesn't want to talk about it either. He's never seen Eli like this—hurt and half-delirious and sobbing his eyes out. He hasn't felt so scared since the day Jordan died, and he wants nothing more than to just forget the last few hours and never talk about this case ever again.
But Eli isn't fine.
He hasn't looked Jacob in the eyes even once since they left the house, and he can't quite hide the way his hands are shaking. Watching him now, Jacob can't believe he didn't notice before how exhausted Eli looks—has looked for weeks, actually, now that he thinks about it.
"Come on, man," Jacob tries again, "we need to talk—"
"I said I'm fine!"
Eli's voice breaks on the last word, and he takes a shaky breath, his hand gripping the car door handle so tightly his knuckles are turning white.
"Eli," Jacob repeats, more softly this time.
Eli rubs at his eyes, then mumbles, "Sorry, Kane. I–I'm just tired, okay?"
I'm tired of being in charge, I'm tired of making decisions for everyone, I'm tired of being a liar. "I know. I'm sorry I didn't notice before."
"It's fine, really, it was just the house making me say things—"
"Eli, stop. We both know that's not true."
Eli looks at him for a moment, his whole body tense, before abruptly turning away and opening the car door. "I need to go. Thanks for the ride."
Jacob scrambles to follow him. "Eli, wait! Please. I really don't think you should be alone right now."
"It's fine, Kane, I'm used to it," Eli says quietly, his voice flat.
"That's the point!" After he'd stopped talking to his parents, Jacob and Jordan had basically become Eli's family. Now, with Jordan dead and Eli having to hide the truth from his team—his new family—Eli probably feels at least as lonely as Jacob does. "Eli, you don't have to deal with this all by yourself."
"Of course I do!" Eli snaps. "You needed my help and Jordan asked me to look out for you and now he's gone and I can't even mourn him properly and—"
Eli sinks to the ground and hides his face in his hands, his shoulders shaking with silent sobs.
Fuck, Jacob thinks. This is worse than he thought. How long has Eli been pushing down these feelings? How long has he been acting strong while trying not to crumble under the pressure of all these secrets?
"Hey," he says softly, crouching down in front of Eli. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I put you in this position, but you can talk to me, okay? I'm here for you."
Eli just shakes his head. "No. No, you don't know, you can't know… I can't do this anymore…"
Jacob doesn't know what to do, what to say, so he wraps an arm around Eli's shoulders and just holds him as he cries. It hurts, seeing his friend in so much pain and not being able to do anything about it, but he can tell Eli needs this—needs time to process his emotions after ignoring them for so long.
"I miss him so much, Jacob," Eli whispers after a while, and the sadness in his voice nearly breaks Jacob's heart. Until a few weeks ago, he hadn't even known that Eli and Jordan worked together, let alone that they were still so close. What else did he miss, caught up in his own fear and grief?
"I know," he says quietly. "I miss him too."
At that, Eli pulls away from him, his eyes wide. "Fuck, I'm sorry, Jacob. I'm making this all about me. I mean, he was your brother! I was just—we were just—"
Jacob smiles softly. "It's okay, Eli. He was your friend, too."
"Friend, yeah," Eli mumbles, staring at his hands. Then he clears his throat. "I should probably go inside. I'm kind of exhausted."
"I mean, you were in that house for a week without sleeping or eating," Jacob points out. "It'd be weird if you weren't exhausted."
"Yeah." A look that Jacob can't quite place flashes across Eli's face. "Thanks for staying with me. Seriously. It means a lot."
"Of course, man. Let me know if you need anything, okay?"
Eli's smile still doesn't quite reach his eyes when he nods, and as Jacob drives away, he can't shake the feeling that there's something else Eli is hiding from him—something worse than a lack of sleep and an aberrant house.