"Oh, God, no. Ed, don't look at that!" Stede squeaked, trying to take the photo album away from his boyfriend. Ed pouted at him.
"But I want to see baby Stede," he whined, his brown eyes wide and adorable.
Stede shook his head in mock exasperation. No matter how embarrassing these photos were, he just couldn't say no to his Ed, especially not when he was looking at him like that. "Fine. But you have to promise me you won't laugh!"
Ed nodded eagerly. "Of course, of course, now show me the photo!"
With a sigh, Stede handed him the photo album—and, just like he had expected, Ed burst out laughing. "Ooh, so that's what your 'young and edgy' phase looked like?"
"Ed!"
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Ed giggled. "Just didn't expect the emo hair."
Stede tried to glare at him, but Ed's laughter was infectious, and he couldn't help but start giggling himself. Even he had to admit how ridiculous he looked in this picture. "Okay, okay, I get it. The hair was a mistake. Can we go to the next pictures now?"
"Sure," Ed agreed readily, but when Stede flipped to the next page, his smile dropped.
"Shit, Stede," he whispered, gently stroking his finger over picture-Stede's face. "You look so fucking sad in this one."
Stede wanted to protest, but there was no denying that Ed was right. The photo had been taken a few years after his wedding to Mary, the two of them standing next to each other by the ocean, and even though he was smiling, the Stede in the picture looked so… empty.
"Fuck," he whispered. "I wasn't—I knew I wasn't happy back then, but I didn't realize…"
"You didn't realize how bad it actually was?" Ed supplied softly when Stede trailed off.
Stede could only nod. He didn't have his OCD diagnosis back then, so he was constantly trying to prove to himself and everyone around him that he was a good person, obsessing over the tiniest, most unimportant things. On one of the worst days, he had cried himself to sleep after someone gently pointed out that he had accidentally followed a problematic person on Twitter, firmly convinced that he was the most horrible person in the whole world.
He had felt so guilty all of the time, and so broken. Add that to being a closeted gay man married to a woman he didn't love, and yeah, it wasn't exactly the happiest time of Stede's life.
"It was awful, Ed," Stede confessed quietly and snuggled closer to his boyfriend. "I… I don't know if I would have survived this much longer if I hadn't met you."
Ed looked at him in surprise. "What? Babe, I didn't even do anything. You did all the hard work. I was just there."
Stede smiled at him. Technically, Ed was right, of course—he usually was. "Exactly. You were there for me, and didn't judge me, and made me realize that I deserve help. Of course being with you didn't magically fix things, but having you by my side made everything so much easier."
Stede wasn't sure what kind of reaction he had expected—a shy smile, probably, maybe even a kiss. He certainly hadn't expected Ed to tear up and hide his face in Stede's neck, sniffling softly. "Ed! Ed, love, what's wrong?"
"Nothing," Ed mumbled, wiping away the tears and giving Stede a bright, genuine smile. "Seriously, I'm fine, it's just… It was the same for me, you know?"
"What?" Stede asked quietly.
"You—Stede, I didn't even know how unhappy I was until you came along and made me smile for the first time in fucking years. I was hurting so much, all of the time, and then suddenly, you were there and made the pain stop. I—Fuck, I didn't realize you felt the same way about me."
Now, it was Stede's turn to tear up. How could Ed not know how happy he made him? How much he had helped Stede get better just by loving him for who he was?
"Of course I felt the same way, love," Stede whispered, cupping Ed's cheeks with his hands. "You make me so, so, so happy."
Ed raised an eyebrow. "Even when I'm a traumatized mess?"
"You're not a mess, sweetheart," Stede answered immediately, and Ed snorted. "I mean it, Ed, you're not. You're my brave, beautiful boyfriend who went through some horrible things and is still the kindest, sweetest person I know."
"Stede," Ed whined, fresh tears in his eyes. "You can't just say things like that."
"But it's the truth," Stede answered with an innocent smile.
Ed made a grumbling noise, hiding his face against Stede's chest. "You're a fucking menace, Bonnet, do you even know that?"
"Mmh," Stede agreed happily. "Now, how about we take a break from the photo albums and get some ice cream?"
"With rainbow sprinkles?" Ed asked hopefully, looking up at him with big puppy eyes.
"Of course with rainbow sprinkles. What's the point of ice cream without sprinkles?" Stede wrinkled his nose in distaste.
He and Ed giggled like little children all the way to the kitchen, trying to decide on their favorite flavor of ice cream, and yeah, Stede thought, this was it. This was what happiness felt like.