Mary had only been on her trip for one day, and she already regretted it.
It had all started so well! She had only wanted to visit one of her artist friends for a few days, nothing more—but then there was a storm, and her carriage had been damaged… And now she was standing in the middle of nowhere, drenched from the rain, considering the house in front of her. "Jeff and Steve's Inn by the Sea," said the sign at the front, but honestly, Mary would be surprised if Jeff and Steve, whoever they might be, had ever seen a single guest before. From what Mary could see, some of the windows seemed to be taped together, the roof was more patchwork than anything else, and the fact that there was a grave right there in the front garden was… a little off-putting, to say the least.
Still, Mary thought with a sigh, a run-down shack was better than sleeping outside in the rain. This "inn" would have to do for the night.
"You gotta ring the bell," a sign on the front desk informed her, so she did just that and waited for one of the innkeepers to show up and, hopefully, agree to let her stay for the night, even if she didn't have any money with her right now. A minute passed without any reaction, then two. She rang the bell again, tapping her fingers on the desk impatiently, but still, nothing happened.
"Hello?" she called out after a while. "Is anybody here?" She did not have time for this. Maybe she should just leave and try to find shelter somewhere else. But then, finally, she heard voices—sleepy grumbling from one of the rooms, and something that sounded a lot like swearing. Wonderful, now she had woken the guests, and the innkeepers were still nowhere in sight.
Just as she was about to apologize for the disturbance, a man appeared behind the front desk, and Mary gasped. His hair was a little longer now, and he had a beard and new clothes and tattoos and—was that an earring? But he was still unmistakably—
"Stede?!"
Stede's head whipped around, and he stared at her incredulously. "Mary?! What on Earth are you doing here?"
Before she could even open her mouth to answer, another man appeared next to Stede. His long, silver hair had been put up into a protective braid, and he seemed to fight a yawn even as he glared at her. "Mary? As in, your wife Mary?"
"I'm not—" Mary tried to protest, but the two didn't seem to be listening to her anymore.
"Edward," Stede said quietly, taking the other man's hands in his, "I told you, she's not my wife anymore, we—"
And suddenly, something clicked in her mind. Edward. Ed. His name is Ed, Stede had told her that night, so full of hope and with a dreamy smile on his face. That meant the man standing beside her ex-husband had to be…
"Wait," Mary interrupted. "You're Ed? Stede's boyfriend?"
That made the two men stop in their tracks. Ed looked from Stede to Mary and then back to Stede again, blinking rapidly and apparently not knowing what to say.
"I—You—" he stammered. "Stede told you about me?"
Something in his expression seemed strangely vulnerable, and she smiled warmly. "Oh, yes," she nodded, "he told me all about you." All she needed to know, anyway. Though he didn't mention how fucking hot his new boyfriend was, damn, Stede.
Ed just stared at her. "And you didn't mind that he…?"
"Left me for a handsome innkeeper?" Mary winked. "Not really, no. Believe me, a widow's life is much more fun than it's made out to be."
Stede smiled fondly at Ed's confused look and gently patted his arm. "It's a long story, darling, but the most important part is that Mary made me realize that you are the love of my life, and I'll forever be grateful for that."
"Stede," Ed whispered, his lips beginning to tremble. Stede cupped his cheek and leaned in to kiss him, gently at first, but then he deepened their kiss, grabbing Ed by the waist—
Mary cleared her throat. "Um, guys?"
Stede startled, then smiled at her apologetically. "Oops. Sorry, Mary."
"Sorta forgot you were there," Ed added helpfully.
"Yeah, I noticed," Mary muttered, trying not to roll her eyes. She was happy for her husband—or, well, ex-husband now, she supposed—she really was, but she was also cold and tired and drenched from the rain, and she really, really needed a place to stay for the night.
Mary took a deep breath and steeled herself. This was going to be awkward. "Well, 'Jeff and Steve'… I don't suppose you have a room for me at your little inn?"
Maybe, Mary thought, it was time for her to make better life choices because, for some reason, she had ended up in a fishing boat alone with her ex-husband's boyfriend.
Breakfast had been… interesting, to say the least. From the way Stede had praised Ed's cooking skills—"He could be a chef, Mary!"—she had expected something a little more appetizing than, well…
"Is that… a snake?"
She had stared at her plate, trying very hard not to throw up on the—admittedly very nice—linen tablecloth while Stede explained that, yes, the thing in front of her was indeed a snake, and there was no reason to look so disgusted, it wasn't poisonous, and not only was Ed a natural at cooking snakes, he had also been taught by someone called Archie, who used to be in a snake cult. Also, it was apparently the only food they had left because, in the chaos of Mary's arrival, Ed had forgotten to go fishing.
Feeling slightly guilty, Mary had eaten the surprisingly well-tenderized snake and then found herself suggesting to go fishing with Ed to make up for the trouble she had caused. Stede's grin had been wider and more genuine than she had ever seen it during their marriage, and even Ed had given her a bashful little smile.
And now, here she was, in the middle of the fucking ocean with a stranger and no idea what to say.
"So... " Mary started, at the same time that Ed said, "Do you—"
"Sorry, you go first," Ed mumbled, but Mary shook her head.
"No," she grinned, "you go first. I want to learn more about the man who seduced my ex-husband. I mean, how did you two even meet?"
At the mention of Stede, Ed visibly relaxed. "He didn't tell you?"
"He spent most of the time before he left gushing about how sweet and kind and lovely you are, so no, he didn't really get around to telling me anything else."
Ed's cheeks turned pink as he began to tell her about their time together, and Mary smiled. She could see why Stede liked this man so much. Ed was funny and charming and surprisingly shy, and there were hearts in his eyes whenever he spoke about Stede.
"So that's how we became innkeepers," Ed concluded, grinning with excitement. "And it's been great so far! I mean, look at how many keys I've got!" He pulled a little key ring from his pocket and held it out to her. "See, that one's for the main door, that one's for the pantry, these are for the guest rooms, that one's for the garden shed... Kind of like a jailer, but the prisoners actually like me. And they pay us. And they can go whenever they want, so maybe not really like a jailer, but—"
"I know what you mean," Mary interrupted softly. "I was so happy when I became a painter, even though it didn't make much sense to the people around me."
"Oh, yeah! Stede told me about how talented you are!"
Mary stared at him in surprise. "He did?" She'd always thought Stede didn't care much about her interests, always so caught up in his own world, but maybe he had paid more attention than she'd realized.
Ed smiled warmly at her. "Your lighthouse painting saved our lives."
"What?" Mary laughed. "I know it's one of my better works, but—"
"No, no, I mean it literally saved our lives." He grinned at Mary's confused look. "It's a long story."
That Mary could imagine. After Stede had come back, she was convinced that the stories Stede told of his time away were wildly exaggerated, but now she wasn't so sure anymore.
"You know," Mary said after a while, "I gave him this painting as an anniversary gift. We were supposed to be lighthouses for each other." She grinned wryly. "Didn't really work out well for us, did it?"
Ed laughed. "Not really, no. But technically, you're supposed to avoid lighthouses so you don't crack up on the rocks, so…"
"Maybe it did work out pretty well after all," Mary finished. "It's funny, isn't it? That a symbol from our wedding brought you two together?"
Ed blushed and nodded. "Speaking of weddings…" He fiddled nervously with the sleeves of his shirt. "Iwanttoaskstedetomarryme," he blurted out suddenly, staring at his feet.
Mary blinked. "You what?"
"I want to ask Stede to marry me," Ed repeated, more slowly this time. "Yeah, go on, laugh it up," he mumbled when Mary didn't reply.
"What?" Mary tilted her head in confusion. "Why would I laugh about that?"
"It's ridiculous, I know. A guy like me thinking a guy like Stede would want to marry him—"
"It's not ridiculous," Mary interrupted softly. "Stede loves you, Ed. So, so, so much. I've seen you two together for less than a day, and even I can tell that."
"Really?" Ed asked, his brown eyes wide.
Mary couldn't help but laugh. "Of course, Ed. When we were married, Stede was so… I don't know. Sad, I think. Subdued. But now, with you, it's like he's a completely different person! Still a very," Mary paused, trying to find the right words that wouldn't make Ed want to throw her off the boat, "eccentric person, but he's so much happier than I've ever seen him. Do you really think he wouldn't want to marry you?"
Ed shook his head. "But—But what if I fuck it up and—"
"Ed," Mary cut in, "Stede and I had an arranged marriage, met once before our wedding, and spent every day after that trying our best to tolerate—and, well, not murder—each other. Whatever you have planned for your proposal, it can't be worse than that."
Ed still looked doubtful. "But Stede deserves something better than some stupid flowers... "
"Flowers?" Mary asked, raising an eyebrow. "Like, a bouquet?" Over the last few hours, it had become very clear that she didn't know her ex-husband as well as she'd thought, but even she knew that Stede would want something a little more exciting for his engagement.
"No, wildflowers," Ed corrected excitedly. "Stede always takes me out on nature walks and shows me all these cool plants and critters and stuff, and he gets so excited when he finds pretty flowers he can decorate our inn with. He even knows all the Latin names! And since I'm not really a fan of bugs," Ed shuddered slightly at the thought, "I thought I'd pick some of his favorite flowers and make them spell out 'Will you marry me?'"
When Mary didn't reply, he rambled on, "But that's not cool enough, Stede deserves a better proposal, maybe I should just—"
"Ed," Mary couldn't help but laugh, "stop."
Ed stared at her in confusion, then his face fell. "Stop... planning to propose?"
"No! Or, you know what, yes, actually. Stop planning to propose and finally do it!" She gave him what she hoped was an encouraging smile. "It's perfect, I promise. I don't think anyone ever paid as much attention to his interests as you do." And she hadn't, either, she quietly admitted to herself. "He's going to love it."
"Yeah?" Ed asked softly, a smile growing on his face when she nodded. "Would you—No, forget it, it's stupid..."
"What?" Mary asked, grinning. "Come on, now you have to tell me."
"Would you help me with the proposal? You don't have to," he clarified quickly, "it's probably weird, helping someone propose to your ex-husband, and—Huh?"
He stared at the hand she had gently placed upon his. He was right, it should feel weird. She should be jealous, or angry, or sad. But the only thing she felt was relief—because now, after all these years of resignation and loneliness, she and Stede had finally found the love they had been looking for.
"Ed," she said solemnly, "there's nothing I'd love more. Now, where do we start?"
"And that," Stede announced, "is my pride and joy: the official inn library!"
Mary looked around the little room Stede had led her to. 'Library' seemed like a bit of an overstatement. There were barely any books, and the shelves looked like they could fall over at any moment.
"Well, it's still a work in progress," Stede amended. "I used to have more books back on the Revenge, but—"
"Wait," Mary interrupted, trying not to laugh, "the Revenge? Your ship was called The Revenge?" Stede nodded proudly. "That's quite dramatic, isn't it?"
"More dramatic than The Twice-Widowed Widow Bonnet?" Her eyes widened in surprise, and Stede grinned. "Yeah, I read the papers. You've become quite famous. Congratulations, by the way," he added more seriously. "On your success, I mean. You deserve it."
Mary stared at him. That was... surprisingly sweet. Had Stede always been like this, and she had just never noticed? Or was this Ed's good influence? "Thank you. That means a lot to me."
"So," Stede began after a moment of only slightly awkward silence, "what else have you been doing? Besides being a famous painter, I mean. How's Doug? And the kids, of course, how are the kids?"
Mary laughed. "They're great. Everything's going great. I think ending our marriage was the right decision, Stede. For all of us."
"I think so, too," Stede said quietly. "I just wish I hadn't caused everyone so much pain."
For a moment, he looked so sad that Mary almost reached out to him, reassured him that it wasn't all his fault—even if quite a bit of it was. But from the way Stede was glancing out the window at Ed, she suspected that he wasn't just talking about her and the kids.
"You did your best. And yes, you made mistakes, and you hurt people, and people hurt you, but…" She thought back to the hearts in Ed's eyes when he talked about Stede, and to Doug, smiling as he carried the kids to bed. "I think you caused a lot of love, too."
Tears were gathering in Stede's eyes, and he swallowed hard. "Anyhoo," he said after a long moment, trying to put on a cheerful smile, "that was our tour! Is there anything else you'd like to see? We have some lovely blueberry bushes in the garden, they should be almost ready to harvest! Oh, and how was your fishing trip with Ed yesterday? Did you—"
"Stede," Mary interrupted with a knowing smile, "spit it out."
"What?"
"We might not be particularly close, but we've been married for twenty years. I know when you're trying to hide that you want to tell me something. Spit it out."
Stede sighed and sat down in one of the armchairs. "I... You're right. I do have to ask you something. But I worry it will be... quite awkward, for both of us."
"More awkward than our wedding night?" Mary asked with a teasing grin, but Stede only sighed.
"Yes, I'm afraid so."
"Alright," Mary said, more seriously this time. "What is it?"
Stede stayed quiet for a long time, and Mary was beginning to worry. "Stede?" This was worse than she'd thought. Maybe something had happened, maybe—
"Can I ask Ed to marry me?"
"What?" Mary gasped. Just hours ago, Ed had been convinced that Stede wouldn't want to marry him, and now Stede was thinking of proposing himself? These two idiots were absolutely perfect for each other.
Stede hid his face in his hands and sighed. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Mary, I knew I shouldn't have—"
"Stede."
"I mean, you were my wife, for God's sake—"
"Stede, shut up!" Stede flinched a little. "Sorry, that came out a little harsh, didn't it?" She laughed nervously. "Sorry. What I meant was: you don't have to apologize, it's alright. I was just... surprised, is all."
"Good surprised?" Stede asked hopefully.
Mary laughed. "Yes, good surprised. Honestly, Stede, if I didn't know better, I'd think you were already married."
"Really?"
"Stede. You two are practically joined at the hip. Did you really think I didn't notice your longing stares whenever you're apart for more than five minutes?"
"Oh," Stede laughed softly. "I guess we're a bit insufferable, huh?"
"Kind of, yeah." Mary grinned. "But really, what do you mean 'can I ask him to marry me'? Why wouldn't you?"
Stede's shoulders slumped. "I don't know. It's just… " He sighed. "I was a terrible husband to you. And I know we made amends, and we're friends now, but..." He looked up at her with big, sad eyes, his lips trembling slightly. "What if I mess it all up again?"
"Oh, Stede," Mary whispered and, to both of their surprise, immediately wrapped her arms around him. Stede tensed for just a moment before he leaned into her.
"I'm sorry," he whispered.
Mary almost laughed. For so long, she had wanted Stede to apologize. For marrying her. For not caring about her enough. For leaving her and the kids in the middle of the night. For coming back.
Back then, she had thought he was the reason she was so miserable. But now... "Don't be."
"Huh?"
"I mean," she sighed, "you certainly weren't the best husband, sure, but... I wasn't exactly the best wife either, was I? We did what we needed to, and now we're here and we're happy. Doesn't that mean we got it right, in the end?"
Stede sniffled softly. "I guess it does. I'm just—I'm worried Ed's going to wake up one day and realize what a failure I am."
Mary frowned. "Don't you think you're being a bit unfair to him?"
"What?"
"You're just assuming ahead of time that you're going to be a failure of a husband to Ed, and so you don't even try. Doesn't he get a say?"
"Oh," Stede breathed out. "I never thought of it that way."
Mary shook her head, laughing softly. "Of course you didn't. You're so stuck in your own head sometimes, but... I think you'll be okay. Both of you."
She wished they could have had conversations like that sooner. Maybe then their marriage wouldn't have ended the way it did. But then again, if Stede hadn't run away to become a pirate, neither of them would have found their true love, would they?
"So," Mary asked after a while, "now that we've got that out of the way, when are you going to ask him?" Maybe, if she played her cards right… she could get Stede and Ed to propose to each other at the same time!
Stede smiled nervously. "Well, preferably before I lose my nerve and get into my head about it again. I want to write him a love letter."
"A letter, really?" Mary asked before she could stop herself. "That's it?"
Stede's face fell. "You're right, it's a stupid idea, I shouldn't—"
"No, no, that's not—" Mary interrupted, horrified. She hadn't meant to discourage Stede. "It's just... I was expecting a little more excitement. You know, from the jungle cat. And the carriage. And the piano."
Stede chuckled. "Well, if you put it that way..." Then his face softened. "I think Ed and I had enough excitement for a lifetime. That's why we became innkeepers!"
"So you could annoy all your guests with how obnoxiously in love you are?" Mary teased.
"Well, we always could have annoyed the crew if we wanted to," Stede replied without missing a beat, "so no. It was Ed's idea, actually. He really liked the idea of settling down somewhere quiet and cozy, where our lives aren't constantly in danger and no one looks at him like he's a monster."
Mary chuckled. "A monster? Ed? Your Ed?"
"Right?" Stede waved his hands in exasperation. "People say so many horrible things about him, but he is the sweetest, kindest man I've ever known."
"He's lovely," Mary agreed. "So, the letters?"
"Oh, right! Well, you see, when Ed and I were... apart, I wrote him love letters every day and threw them into the sea, hoping he would find them. And now they keep washing up near the inn, so I thought I'd write him another letter in which I ask him to marry me and hide it on the beach so Ed can find it when he goes fishing." He smiled shyly. "What do you think?"
Mary grinned. "Well, I think I'm going to be invited to my ex-husband's wedding soon."
The next few days were a bit of a blur.
Both Stede and Ed wanted Mary's help with their proposals, so she constantly ran around the house, helping Ed pick out the most beautiful flowers, proofreading the countless drafts of Stede's letter, and, most importantly, making sure neither of them noticed what the other was planning.
It was weirdly exciting to be the only one who truly knew what was going on, to get to watch as these two sappy idiots tried—for what was probably the first time—to keep a secret from each other. She wondered who would propose first. She had tried to subtly get both of them to choose the same time for their proposals, of course, but Mary had learned very quickly that when it came to these two, nothing ever happened as planned.
***
On the day of the proposals, Mary tried her best not to laugh as she watched Stede and Ed nervously pick at their breakfast. Normally, Mary had observed, they were constantly chattering and laughing, but now, they weren't even making stupid food puns anymore! Instead, they pushed their food around on their plates and barely looked at each other.
"Well," Stede said after about five minutes of awkward silence, "it's really nice outside today, isn't it?"
Ed looked up from the cup of tea he was clinging to. "Yeah, uh. I guess it is. Yeah."
"So, I was thinking we could take a nice walk along the beach. Take advantage of the nice weather, you know, before it gets colder again."
"It's July," Mary pointed out helpfully, and Stede glared at her.
For the first time this morning, Ed seemed to relax a little. "Sounds nice. And after that," he added shyly, "maybe we could spend some time in the garden?"
"Of course!" Stede beamed. "Shall we, then?"
***
As soon as they were out of the house, Mary sneaked out the back door to follow them. She was the one who helped them set up their proposals, so surely, she figured, she had a right to watch, didn't she?
She hurried through the garden as silently as she could, only stopping for a moment to look at the flowers Ed had so carefully arranged to spell out "Will you marry me?" with a big heart at the end. The letters looked a little wonky, sure, but Ed had clearly put so much love and care into it that Mary was sure Stede would burst into tears as soon as he saw it.
Right now, though, it seemed like Stede was winning the "who gets to propose first?" game. He had taken Ed's arm and was gently leading him down the beach to where he had hidden his message in a bottle, chattering nervously along the way.
Ed, on the other hand, kept looking back at the garden, appearing more and more impatient with each passing minute. He was barely even looking at the beach, and then—Mary gasped quietly as Ed walked right past Stede's love letter, too eager to get back to the inn to notice the message in a bottle.
Stede's face fell for a moment before he picked up the bottle up, smiling nervously as he showed it to Ed. "Look!" Mary could overhear. "… another letter … read it?"
Ed seemed to relax a little, gazing adoringly at Stede and carefully taking the bottle as if it were the most precious thing in the entire world. "Maybe … home?"
Stede looked out at the ocean for a moment, then nodded and took Ed's hand. It seemed like Ed would propose first, after all. Mary felt a bit sorry for Stede—he had been so excited for his grand, romantic moment by the ocean. But then again, he was going to adore Ed's flower arrangement, and no matter who asked the big question first, they would both be excited to finally become husbands.
The two were almost back at the inn when Mary realized that she should probably go back inside—she doubted finding one's ex-wife hiding behind a bush would help set the romantic mood. But just as Stede and Ed were about to walk into the garden, a seagull swooped in from the sky, landing right in front of them and holding a letter in its beak.
"Mr. Buttons, what a lovely surprise!" Stede exclaimed, proposal momentarily forgotten.
Mary looked around in confusion. "Mr. Buttons?" Was that some kind of… role-play thing?
"Oh, right, I haven't introduced you yet." Stede stepped aside and pointed at the seagull. "Mary, this is Nathaniel Buttons, our former first mate. Mr. Buttons, this is Mary."
Mary blinked. "Um, Stede? This is a bird."
"Oh, I know." Stede shrugged. "He wasn't always a bird if that's what you're concerned about."
"Right. Right." Mary shook her head. "Nice to meet you, Mr. Buttons. I'm Mary Allamby, Stede's ex-wife." The seagull squawked solemnly in response, and Mary sighed. "I can't believe I'm talking to a bird."
Mr. Buttons screeched loudly again, impatiently waving the letter in its beak. "That's probably from the crew!" Stede waved his hands excitedly. "Thank you, Mr. Buttons. Now," he turned to her and Ed, "how about we go inside, have some nice tea, and read it together?"
Ed took one last longing look at the garden before he followed Stede inside, and Marry hurried after them.
***
"Alright," Stede said after making some tea for the three of them, "which letter shall we read first?"
Ed thought for a moment. "Let's start with the one from the crew. Buttons is still outside, maybe he's waiting for us to write a reply."
"Good choice," Stede agreed. "And maybe we can read the other one tonight, when we're alone?"
Mary was a little disappointed that she wouldn't get to see Ed's reaction when Stede asked the big question, but then again, maybe it was better if she wasn't around for whatever the two decided to do to celebrate afterwards...
While she and Ed were still sipping on their tea, Stede unfolded the letter from their crew and began to read aloud:
“Dear captains Stede and Ed,
(sorry captains, Zheng said we shouldn't call you captains anymore because Frenchie is the captain now.)
We hope things are going well at the inn. The crew is doing great! Frenchie and Wee John made us some new outfits so we look fearsome on our raids, and you'll be pleased to know that we found a lot of new books for storytime!
We know you said you didn't want to be pirates anymore and that you're technically retired, but we have some news that we think you'd like to hear.”
Stede gasped, and Mary looked at him, slightly concerned. "What's wrong? Is everything alright with your crew?"
"They found Ricky," Stede breathed. "They have a lead on him, and they want us to help chase him down."
They all went quiet. Mary had never heard of this Ricky, whoever he was, but from the look on Stede's face, that guy was a dead man walking.
"Ed, I know you don't want to go back to being a pirate, but—"
"Let's do it," Ed blurted out before Stede could even finish his sentence.
"What? Are you sure?" Stede raised an eyebrow. "You don't have to decide right now. This is a big decision, and I don't want you to feel pressured."
Ed sighed and took Stede's hand. "I am sure, babe." For a moment, the expression on his face changed, and he looked almost... dangerous. "That fucker killed Izzy. He almost killed our crew. We can't let him get away again. And besides," Ed smiled, "I've been thinking. I don't want us to constantly have to worry about pirate hunters coming after us anymore. I want us to be free. So what if we chase Ricky down and get our revenge... but he manages to kill Edward Teach and Stede Bonnet before he dies?"
"One last fuckery," Stede muttered under his breath.
Ed nodded excitedly. "Exactly! So, what do you say? You in?"
"I'm surprised you even have to ask," Stede laughed. "Of course I'm in."
"Alright, write a letter for the crew, tell them we're coming," Ed decided. "I'm gonna go get my leathers. Time to be Blackbeard one last time."
Mary almost choked on her tea. Blackbeard?! Stede had run away to sea and decided to marry fucking Blackbeard?
Stede and Ed looked at her like they had forgotten she was even in the room. "Everything alright, Mary?"
"Oh, yes. I'm fine. Just wasn't expecting, uh… this tea to be so strong."
Stede raised an eyebrow at her but didn't say anything. He would have to answer a lot of questions later.
Just as Ed was about to leave and get his Blackbeard outfit, Stede jumped up and ran after him. "Ed, wait!"
"Wha—" Ed squeaked in surprise as Stede pulled him into his arms and kissed him.
"Kiss for good luck," Stede whispered with a lovestruck smile on his face, and apparently, that was when Ed couldn't take it anymore. He dropped to one knee, then seemed to regret it as his bad knee hit the ground with a loud thud.
"Ed!" Stede immediately knelt, too, checking Ed for injuries. "What are you doing? Are you hurt?"
Ed laughed softly. "Nah, I'm fine. But you need to get up now so I can ask you."
"Ask me wh—" Realization dawned on Stede's face. "Oh. Oh."
"Stede Bartholomew Bonnet," Ed began, instantly tearing up, "I—fuck, I had a whole speech planned for this, I wanted everything to be perfect for you, but I can't wait, I—Stede, when all of this is over, will you marry me?"
"Will I—Of course I'll marry you, you nut!" Stede laughed with tears in his eyes, throwing his arms around Ed so he could shower him with kisses. "Will you marry me, too?"
"Yes," Ed whispered, "yes, Stede, I've been wanting to marry you for so long, yes, yes, yes."
Stede kissed him again, long and slow, and Mary could just barely hear him whispering, "I love you. I love you." He grinned as he took Ed's hand and helped him up. "Wanna do something weird?"
Ed laughed. "Yeah. Let's do something weird."
They ran to their room without sparing her a single glance, both of them giggling like schoolchildren, and Mary snorted. This was, without a doubt, the weirdest week of her entire life. She couldn't wait to tell Doug.